Shields of armour:

Once upon a time, in the late year of 2013 to early 2014, I had been on a rollercoaster of having colds, I was constantly ill. It had been one thing after another. Someone surely had a voodoo doll of me. And if it wasn’t enough another plague had dawned upon me. It all began when I had woken up around three am one morning. And all of a sudden I had the biggest urge to itch at my right eye. After the relief of having itched my right eye, I felt that my right eye was rather sore. I thought nothing of it.  As the next morning approached I woke up and my right eye felt sore.  I felt it and the eyelid felt very crusty and sticky, sounds grouse I know. Still I thought nothing of it. But I did feel more than unusually cold and my energy levels had dropped excessively. I managed to drag myself out of bed and looked in the mirror. My days! My right eye had transformed into an abnormal size. To paint the picture clearer my right eye seemed to have shrunk. Trying not to freak out and having the usual urge to go to the toilet in the morning. I walked down the hallway trying to avoid eye contact with my mum. As I knew her reaction to my eye would be a bombard of questions filled with worry and concern. Defiantly something I didn’t want in the morning. I managed not to draw the any attention to mum. Whilst in the bathroom I managed to get rid of all of the crust and goo from my eye. But still my eye still appeared red, sore and an abnormal size. I thought; I can’t go to university looking like this! Walking out of the bathroom and back to my room, around this time is when I get dressed and start to apply my makeup.

I do like and use makeup but I don’t use much makeup. As I personally feel more comfortable with less makeup on. My typical makeup look consists of Clinique mineral powder, Maybelline mascara, Maybelline eyeliner and I occasionally use No 7 rose blusher. I like to keep my makeup looking simple and natural. But there is one makeup necessity, which I had come attached to, my eyeliner. As long as I can remember I’ve always felt more confident with my facial appearance, when I applied eyeliner. As I felt that my eyes looked plain and dull without it. But now I was in a dilemma, what was I to do now? I thought that my right eye would heal faster, if I compress it against a cold pint of milk.  Ahhhh the relief of this method and in fact my eye started to heal. My right eye started to reappear back to its normal size. As my eye started to heal during breakfast, I decided it’s safe to apply eyeliner. BIG STUPID MISTAKE! Still feeling on the ill side, I brushed it off and headed out into the not so pleasant weather of Britain. As I was walking it had occurred to me that my right eye started to excessively water, I thought nothing of it. And thought maybe it’s the harshness of the cold weather. Oh how very wrong I was!  As I waiting outside my class, even one of my friends said I looked like I needed more sleep, bravo for her constructive cultism. When I got home from university I was concerned and decided to turn to trustworthy google. I goggled my symptoms. Nothing matched my symptoms, although some things did come close e.g. Herpes simplex eye infections. I thought meh…. I’ve probably just irritated it when I itched it, and the eyeliner made it worse.  So I thought, ok I’m sure it will clear up tonight. Tick, tok, tick, tok and so I lived to see another day, but my right eye struggled to see it with me.

As the days and weeks went on my right eye wasn’t healing at all. The skin around my right eye was still sticky, dry and sore alongside with my eye still watering excessively. Any normal person would’ve have visited their local GP by now. But I on the other hand, was in denial and also I’m just lazy. I had engraved a message in my mind that this weird eye infection would pass. And my eye would heal by itself, without the requirement of modern medicine. Reading this back to myself, I have the urge to slap myself around the face. My lovely boyfriend, constantly nagged me to go to the doctors, did I listen? No. But this situation proved to me that my boyfriend isn’t a shallow hal.

During the course of trying to let my eye heal itself, I made the choice to give up wearing my beloved eyeliner. I quiet surprised myself, as I didn’t feel so traumatised not leaving the house without wearing eyeliner. I thought to myself, well I don’t look too bad and it could be worse. Also to my surprise my friends didn’t seem to notice me not wearing eyeliner. During the course of going without eyeliner, I started to actually feel comfortable not wearing my eyeliner. And I even started to like and appreciate how my eyes looked without eyeliner.  Although the time had come where I needed to get past my denial and laziness and booked an appointment with my GP. Funnily enough he didn’t state what was wrong with my eye, but just prescribed me some eye drops. Over the course of three weeks my eye had healed! Hooray!  No more crust, stickiness and excessive tears. I was relieved and decided it was time to celebrate by applying eyeliner. Of course I had to throw away my previous eyeliner and purchase a new one.  After applying the eyeliner I was taken back when I looked in the mirror. I guess because I had gone for such a long period without wearing eyeliner, I found it foreign when I looked at myself in the mirror.

This post isn’t stating that makeup is bad and women should give up wearing makeup entirely blah, blah, blah. NO! I’m not anti-makeup, as I believe that there is no harm using makeup, as long as you don’t depend on it and use it excessively. I admit I did depend on my eyeliner, as somewhere down the line, I engraved in my mind that without eyeliner, my natural beauty wasn’t good enough without it. My shield of armour was my eyeliner, as I wasn’t confident with the natural beauty of my eyes. Through this situation I’ve learnt it’s not a big deal, if I don’t wear eyeliner. And my eyes are beautiful without it. I know to some of you I might sound vain and insecure, quite frankly you’re entitled to your your opinions. But even you reading this now, you have your own methods of shielding your flaws and fears. It can be in your everyday physical appearance or a mental shield. I truly believe we all have some sort of shield of armour, whether it’s physical or mental. I do still wear eyeliner, but I don’t physiologically depend on it anymore. The kind of armour people need these days is being fearless. As one day life will give us no choice and we will all have to take of our shield of armour and face our battles. And in life we can’t always hide behind our armour forever.

Job hunting and the mind

For anyone out there who is Job hunting.

 Three key things to remember which will keep you motivated ;

Patience, persistence, balanced thinking & self belief

Marmite

CHANGE its a bit like MARMITE: 

At the end of the day people change, whether you like it or not. 

To seal the deal of change the following suggestions are acceptance of the person, staying or moving on with your life.

Yes everyone CHANGES, but sadly in most common situations when certain people do change. They leave behind the ones that stood by them in the beginning and through thick and thin.

But don't worry, EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY. & their light in their darkest tunnel will always be the people they left behind.

We're only human

Life is tragedy for those who feel & a comedy for those who think- This is something which I'm trying to live my life by. & I'll be honest will you, doing this has been a tough one for me!  I put my hand on my heart and admit that I am a very emotional person. I'm still doing my best in trying to live my life by this message, no matter how many times I have relapsed. But that's ok, life is an ongoing lesson, as long as I keep faith in the subject.

Being emotional isn't a bad thing, unless you let it dictate your mind and put it towards yourself. Which again I raise my hand up to. Its only natural to feel something, when dilemmas occur in life. That's ok. But it is important to recognise, when your emotions are dictating your mind. I've learnt its all about keeping a balanced mind.  A lot of people including myself, will act so impulsively when faced with a dilemma. Sometimes we just need to take a step back and use the most powerful thing within us. OUR BRAINS. Emotions are good, but don't let them dictate you. 

Love Triangle

"The greatest pain is seeing someone you love, love someone else."
His heart is still wrapped in the past.
& my heart is wrapped in his present. 

My heart was fooled & blinded.
I must have read the stars all wrong.
Foolishly I have opened up my heart again. 

My hopes & desires washed away in the ocean.
What to do?
What to do ?

Forget & accept
Forget & accept
Forget & accept

Thank you cupid, even though it was short lived.

I guess what is meant to be, will be.
Oh well let it be.
"The greatest pain is seeing someone you love,love someone else"

Book Review - Big Girl- Danielle Steel

The book Big Girl by Danielle Steel is about a girl named Victoria, who has always felt like an outcast in her family from childhood. The book explores Victoria’s personal issues, challenges and the reasons that have made her feel like an outcast in her family. From reading the book, I found it extremely challenging to pin point a favourite character, and as a result I couldn’t establish one. This is because I found that although the main characters were emphasised on which I didn’t take a liking to, a lot of the other characters weren’t fully empathised on throughout the story. This made it difficult for me to engage with the other characters in the book.  Following onto the next aspect, if the story kept me guessing? I found the story cliché; this is because the themes and the subject of the story are common in many films and books in today’s society. But although the story was cliché, certain chapters in the book surprised me. This then made me re think my assumptions of how the story would unfold and end.

In terms of my favourite part of the book; this was established in the middle of the story. My favourite part of the story, explored Victoria decision of getting a nose job. I found this particular part in the story rather shocking, but also very interesting. This is because I found it unexpected of what the character was considering. This part of the book, kept me more interested in finding out; how her nose job would turn out and how this aspect would unfold in the rest of the story. In analysis of a particular well written scene in the book; I would have to encounter the whole book for it. This is in terms of describing all of the characters, emotions and reactions within all of the scenes in book. Reviewing my emotive response to the book; the book made me feel a mixture of sadness and annoyance. This is because I was rooting for the main character (Victoria) but also I found the Victoria’s general characteristics annoying as hell!

Following onto the negative factors that I came across in the book; although the book was well written, I found a few negative factors in the book for instance; repetitive words e.g. profusely and the constant repetition of (Victoria) problems. Firstly I really urge you to read this book! Because I want you to work out why a successful author such as, Danielle Steel couldn’t use a dictionary to describe a sentence using a different word. Rather than using the same word repetitively in a sentence such as profusely! Ok if I was Victoria’s friend, I would put my hands on her shoulders lovingly and then literally shake her back and forth, and tell her “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER WOMAN!” This is how the character made me feel towards her throughout the whole of the book. Although Victoria holds some good characteristics, Victoria’s constant portrayal of her low self-esteem unfortunately made her character annoying as hell! Victoria’s low self-esteem/worth was always reinforced by a love interest. I feel that this could send out a wrong message to any age group of females, but then again it is dependent on the type of reader’s mind-set. As being a female reader of this book, I don’t believe that a woman’s self-worth/esteem comes from a man. But the main negative factor which really bugged me was Victoria’s constant battle with her weight. To put it bluntly this part of the story frustrated the hell out of me! I felt that Victoria’s battle with her weight was emphasised on to an extreme degree. I can understand now why Danielle Steel made such emphasis on this particular issue that Victoria was battling with. But I felt that this emphasis on Victoria’s weight battle had crossed its limits in how much it was mentioned in the book!

To summarise; I found this book to be an enjoyable, engaging but frustrating read. But I strongly believe that this book has so much more potential! This is because I was very disappointed with the stories ending. I’ll try my best not to give too much away. But I had to re-read the stories ending to have a better understanding of it. I understand it now, but I feel that the ending of the story could’ve been much stronger. This is because of the message which is stated in the ending of the book. Despite my disappointment with the books ending, as I’ve mentioned above I found the book very engaging in terms of its subject. This is because it made me think about how I as an individual deal with my personal problems. I would recommend this book, to anyone who feels like they are overwhelmed and are dealing with personal problems, as it’s a good book for escapism. I feel that this book, showed a clear insight of how dwelling in problems can lead into a sad existence. To categorise a suitable gender and age group of readership for this book, this book is best suited for the female readers 18+. This is because I feel that this book deals with common problems occurring with young women and mature women in today’s society.  In comparison to other reads, in terms of themes and subjects, this book is very identical to Bridget Jones by Helen fielding.

A bit too cheeky !

This summer I've noticed one popular fashion trend that in my opinion is CHEAP & REVOLTING. 
To all you women, who are contemplating or taking part in this fashion trend. Please sit down & think about how you carry yourself as a woman.

No matter what shape & size, every woman's body is a work of art. But unfortunately a large majority of us women gets sucked into the world of showing more skin than necessary. I'm not saying to walk around this summer with jumpers & trousers on. I'm stating how from observation & research in fashion, that a large majority of women have lost their self-respect, partly to do in the clothes they wear.

I don't what idiot came up with this ridiculous fashion trend. I'm guessing this person took inspiration from, the person who came up with the fashion trend for guys wearing their jeans low. 
So what’s your view on visible bum cheeks in shorts?